A Letter to the Girl Who Made Me a Mother

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To my only child, before you become a big sister:

I have been starting to dread the moment I have to leave you to go to the hospital. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I’m so scared of losing what we have right now, of changing our special bond we share as mother and child. All day everyday you’re my little side kick; we do everything together and (most of the time) have fun doing it. Trust me, it is impossible for me to comprehend loving anyone else quite the way I love you, although I know it will happen in the magical way your heart grows when your baby is placed in your arms the first time. But I have some thoughts I want you to know, even though you are too tiny and innocent to understand just yet.

I sometimes just hug you and take in your smell while we are just sitting and playing. You push me off because you’re busy, but just know that I am cherishing every moment of these last weeks. And while I’m so so excited to meet your new sister, I’m also mourning the loss of you as my one and only.

I can’t wait to see you with your sister. I’m bracing myself for a big change in your attitude and behavior during this huge change in our lives. But I am also endlessly surprised by you and your adaptability, so I’m cautiously optimistic for those tough first few weeks while we get to know our newborn. I will keep the image of you playing with and taking care of your little sister in the forefront of my mind even in the toughest of moments. 

I’m terrified that I won’t be the mom you deserve once I am twice as tired and stretched twice as thin with two under 2 dancing circles around me everyday, my patience wearing thin as you test your limits in the way only toddlers can do. I promise you this little girl, I’ll be doing my best to be the strong, caring, supportive role-model I am striving to be for you. 

In the end, I know that I’m giving you the ultimate gift. A gift that means you’ll always have a companion, someone to call, someone to cry with and laugh with. A gift that will fill our family with even more love and joy. 

…My sweet little girl, you made me a mother and for that I am forever grateful. Day in and day out, through all the love, sweat, blood, and poop…you have pushed me to my limits of what I thought I could handle and I’m not ashamed to admit I have become a stronger woman because of you. I know that when our lives change forever in just a few weeks that I will again be challenged in ways I didn’t know possible, but I also know that together as a family we can make it through anything. When I see how you look at me, I know I can’t let you down, and that keeps me going even in my darkest of moments. I love you. 

Love, Mama

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